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Not long after my husband left, I realized I needed to sit down and create a budget for myself. I googled the name on the statement and discovered it was related to something called seekingarrangement. I typed the address into my browser and what popped up on my screen stopped me dead in my tracks. Was my husband giving money — our money — to these women in exchange for sex?
The possibility alone turned my stomach. I closed my laptop and, still in my PJs, hightailed it to Target to get file folders, highlighters, printer paper, paper clips and any other office supplies I thought I might need.
Once I got home, I began to scan our bank statements in search of suspicious charges. How could I have missed all of this? A hotel room in San Francisco on the night before we left for a family vacation? Some other woman got an expensive bag for Christmas that year and I got… a soft-sided cooler.
The charges went back at least a year. My numbness gave way to a variety of other emotions: I called my husband and told him what I had found.
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And why did you do this? He just told me it felt good to be appreciated by these women and claimed I had brought this on myself.
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Instead, I realized after I had given all of the documentation I had to my attorneys, I needed to dust myself off and do whatever I could to take back the dignity my husband had taken from me. As a devoted yoga practitioner and teacher, I know the value of self-inquiry. I slowly began to believe that I could survive this and that I could even come out the other side of this nightmare in a better place.
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