She asks if I ate something wrapped in pink foil. I am up for this, but I have two primary concerns. All the people here are cool enough to do drugs on purpose but I am a goody two shoes who only drinks and they are going to KNOW when they look at me! People did do that sort of thing for me, but she was the one who had to tell them I was tripping.
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They also played me some sweet music that I could slowly bop around to. Maya and a group of her friends are sitting around talking, smoking, etc. Yes it is, Oswaldo, your face is getting bigger and smaller in waves while you are telling me this! We hang out for a while and he suggests we go outside to watch the sunrise on the Charles River. He also suggests we go get breakfast. Oswaldo says he knows a breakfast place over that way that has delicious Challah bread French toast.
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However, we discover that this place is not open. So we go to Dunkin Donuts, because those are open 24 hours and there is one pretty much every 2 blocks in Boston. And then Oswaldo walks me to my apartment.
Luckily, no one appears to be home so I go to sleep. And then my brain hurts for a day and a half. You may recall my previous post where I refer to what it means to be Denver famous. Some Denver famous people move on to become real famous people… such as…. That would be awesome if that was a thing. It was a good time, and I appreciated being kept anonymous. My friends also laughed when I read it aloud to them. Then I made them all swear to never tell anyone I have ever dated or might want to date that I am Allison. And I will remember the little people when I become anonymously Denver famous.
I am considering making a fake web presence for my fake self. If you have any suggestions for an awesome last name for Allison, please comment them. For all the new people just seeing this blog now, welcome. In an actual relationship. So it was a weird adjustment to be in a relationship, but sort of refreshing. This relationship did not turn out to be the one that stuck. However, for the first time in my life, I am happy to say I mostly acted like an adult from start to finish in a dating relationship.
We are even being friends, so far, with reasonable success. Weird, perhaps, but in a good way. It featured a two-legged Chihuahua and a silky chicken who are best friends and ride in the same crate. I still find it boring but watched so much of it involuntarily that I think I know almost all the names of the players by now and also probably know which teams are in the AFC and the NFC and some other stuff that is probably lurking deep in my brain, poised to come out when I need to connect with some of my male students about football or otherwise impress some bros.
I also learned that there are wine bros, and he would find them all at whatever liquor store or restaurant or park we went to. Probably because he wears a vest and gives you wine. Maybe that was why I was in this relationship… because my ex-boyfriend also did things like wear vests and give me wine. I think those are most of the things I learned. I also learned some things about myself, some of which make me wonder if I actually prefer to be single or if I am just used to single status as a default.
Because I discovered how used to being single I really am. And Denver is a small town so I am guaranteed to run into some more exes soon — I just spotted volleyball tattoo guy from afar at my recreational volleyball game last week and went with the avoidance strategy. So stay tuned for more soon.
Busy and full of dudes. So, I decided I was over being on pizza break, and hit Tinder with a vengeance. I Tindered up a bunch of dudes and was just trying figure out how to fit them into my schedule when conditions aligned just right for me to have maximum Tinder dates in one day. Due to recent ridiculous flooding in Denver and my own stupidity, I flooded my car engine by driving through too deep of water on the way to meet my friend to see Pitch Perfect 2.
I did not see Pitch Perfect 2 that day, instead, I waited for a long time in the middle of the street to get my car towed. My mechanic is magical so he fixed it and everything, but it required drying the car out over the weekend.
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The first dude was normal and only became a crazy person after the initial date, so I will save that one for later. The second date might be one of my most impressive first date stories. So, I literally stacked these dates one after the other so I was walking into my second date, scheduled for 5pm happy hour, right on time. I realize, however, that bachelor 2 had texted me a few minutes beforehand saying he was running late.
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There is a really nice group of people having a college graduation party up there, and they offer me drink tickets and we shoot the shit and hang out. For a long ass time. Another half an hour passes and this dude shows up at 6: A full hour and 15 minutes later than our originally planned meeting time. You could have at least made up an excuse that sounded like you had some level of respect for me or my time or something.
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So I tell him that I have to leave at 7pm, which I do, because I am meeting a friend to go to a show, but we can sit there until then. I am also a little buzzed at this point due to the beers I have been drinking whilst waiting for this asshat. It would seem like a generally normal and appropriate date conversation except that during the 40 minutes we spent talking, he took not one but TWO phone calls.
Like it was an important emergency or something. If I was a cartoon character my eyes would have turned red and steam would have started coming out of my ears. But I was also kind of drunk so I just looked off into the distance behind him on the balcony and had flashbacks Friends with Benefits guy who always looked at his phone. Right as I am trying to leave, it is starting to rain, because Colorado has apparently become a floodplain.
We go downstairs to wait by the door for the Lyft. He says he thinks of himself as hot but he wants to hear me say it. He finishes paying just in time. What about after the show? We get to his apartment, which is indeed about 4 blocks from Historians. It catches me off guard and I sort of kiss him back because it seems a bit dramatic to slap him.
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I apologize to the Lyft driver, who looks sort of scared. He later tells me he just moved to the U. Poor guy, welcome to America, where all the dudes are dicks and do awkward shit in your car while you are just trying to make a buck! I make it to Black Shirt Brewery, where I regale my friend with tales of my crazy ass dates while watching a band called Church Fire.
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Learn social cues, dude! I also discover that my Lyft driver from that night gave me 5-star rating. Maybe he felt bad for me. Or maybe he just loves America… Happy Late 4th of July! So this is another story from about 4 or 5 years ago. I believe I met this guy off of OkCupid or another free dating site. And apparently, this was before I was too lazy to drive to Boulder or the suburbs or other places outside of 15 minutes from my house to hang out with dudes.
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